Male Factor Infertility?

Two questions, both answered: maybe

2006-09-18T08:15:00.000-05:00

It looks like the overall answer here for me (Male Factor Infertility?) is still "maybe". My Wife is pregnant and everything seems to be on track and progressing normally. But we needed some technological help to get here, so "maybe" is still the answer in my mind.

However, another question may have been answered with a positive leaning maybe. Not having anything to do with me directly, but with another guy. A Dad Someday? apparently has two lines! So I just need to say Congratulations!

I sure do hope that the maybe becomes a resounding YES!

Speechless

2006-07-26T07:16:00.000-05:00

We went for an ultrasound test the other day. It was absolutely amazing to see the what was clearly recognizable as baby. The little thing was dancing around, waving, and even turning over. It left me speechless.

This whole process is just incredible. My wife has developed a little belly which is quite a site to see. I think she has mixed feelings about because she alternates between bemoaning how "big" she has gotten and beaming with joy that she has someone growing inside there.

There really hasn't been much else to say or report from my perspective. Maybe that isn't the right way to say it because I have been really busy, but I am not the one going through bizarre changes with a baby growing inside. I'm sure my wife would have a lot to say. However, since we don't have enough going on we decided to complete the cliche and buy a new house. We are supposed to close in about a month. I would actually prefer to put it off for a bit longer but I guess things have a way of working out.

Over 130 BPM

2006-06-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

Thats good news. The ultrasound showed that everything is as it should be. All very normal for six and a half weeks. Very similar to this one. A yolk sac with a "fetal pole" and I am told a heart beat. In the center of the indistinguishable blob destined to be my progeny my said she could see the constant motion of the heart beat. The heart was going at over 130 beats per minute which I am told is good and strong.

I wasn't able to accompany my wife for the ultrasound cause I couldn't get out of work, but from her description it sure seems like it was really amazing. The whole idea of it all and that it seems to really be happening is a little beyond comprehension. Especially from my perspective as the guy. I don't have any physical changes taking place, I don't have any hormone surges, I have no symptoms. My wife isn't even really having any symptoms yet. It will be a while yet before she is noticeably pregnant and although she has had some nausea she has yet to experience any real morning sickness (although we have both been told that its still a little early for that too). I really should just enjoy it. I am sure I will be dealing with diapers and that joy soon enough :)

It seems like we are off to a good real solid start. As I have more thoughts, observations and news to share I will post it here. Once everyone has arrived safely I will probably take up Just another Jenny's suggestion and rename this to Life Afterwards or something like that.

Ultra Anxiety

2006-05-27T07:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we went for the first ultrasound. Well, my wife had the ultrasound and I stood there and looked at the screen. It took all of about five minutes but it the technician was able to show us the a single gestational sac and the fact that it was well placed. I have to admit a little relief that we only have one. I am sure we would be overwhelmed if we had multiples, heck I am sure we will be in over our heads with one [but in a good way ;) ].

As wonderful as it was to see the gestational sac it was a little disconcerting to not see anything else. We were apparently three days past five weeks and the nurse that scheduled the appoint thought we were a little further along than that (WHAT? - I'm sure mistakes are made but excuse me?). Since we were not further along there wasn't anything else to see. The technician said she could see the yolk but at this stage the embryo would be way to small to see.

We were reassured repeatedly that everything looked normal and good. We were just a few days to early to see anything. Of course I am now filled with this anxiety that something is wrong. I was up late scouring the internet and learning all about blighted ovums and different types of miscarriages and all kinds of panic inducing stuff.

Next week my wife goes back for another ultrasound. She will be over six weeks then and the people at the clinic along with everything I have read indicates that we will be able to see a heart beat. Until then I am going to try not to panic my wife and to keep my anxiety under control.

bizarre mixed emotions. Its taken us a little over two years to get to this point. It feels like it has been impossibly hard and yet incredibly easy at the same time. Especially since so many others have tried longer without the positive results that we have had. For now I'll try to stay positive and hope the my wife's test results does too.

Save as draft?

2006-05-22T14:31:00.000-05:00

DOH!
So I am using blogger to post and host this little blog of mine. I have been having problems and I am not sure if the problems are something I am doing or something with blogger itself.
I am thinking that I am the problem.
It seems like it is limited to me. I can read others posts and I have not seen anyone else say anything about posts that have disappeared or been stuck in the save as draft mode.
I have been in the habit all along of trying to save the posts as a drafts and coming back to them and rereading them to try to be sure that I am saying what I meant to. I think that somewhere in that process I have been inadvertently deleting or just not publishing posts.
From now on I will just publish the posts and try to fix them later.
ugh

It looks sticky

2006-05-19T22:43:00.000-05:00

Today's beta was almost 1600!
Looks like something is growing. Still kind of in shock and wondering what I am supposed to be doing. Should I change the name of the blog? We don't have a baby yet but we do have positive tests. I think maybe I should treat it like the insurance does. We are infertile until we have a live birth.
Nothing much to do now anyway except take care of my wife as she goes through morning sickness and wait. Not that she as been sick outright, but she has described a lot of intermittent queasiness. Hopefully for her that's the worst of it.
Ultrasound next week! and then I think we really know just what's going on. Maybe I am just being naive.

BFP! BFP!

2006-05-16T07:19:00.000-05:00

Looks like my wife is pregnant. She went in for he scheduled blood test yesterday and they called her a few hours later and her beta was over 300. From what I understand (mostly via google and yahoo) that is a very very positive number. Especially at only 15 days.
It was "nice" of her to keep me on pins and needles until I got home from work. The silence was deafening! But well worth the wait.
She goes in again tomorrow for anther blood test to make sure everything is sticky. Not sure what else to say because I am kind of in a state of shock because we were pretty convinced that it wasn't going to work, at least not this cycle. Glad we were wrong.

& now we wait

2006-04-30T16:12:00.000-05:00

This morning we did the IUI. They had facilities on site for my contribution. That whole process is a little weird to say the least. That whole catholic upbringing wreaks all kinds of havoc in my mind no mater how far I drift from the church. That combined with the awkward teenager feelings make for a real good time. Thank goodness everyone working there is professional about the whole thing.
Anyway after I did my part my wife an I kept each other company walking around the neighborhood for about an hour until we went back and sat down in the waiting room. I was kind of surprised at how crowded the waiting room was too. I found my self wondering what each of them had gone through to get where they were and how far along they each were in the whole process. The most striking thing was the somber mood everyone seemed to be in.
After a short while we got called up and were escorted to a room. My wife was told to undress and get up on the table and the nurse would be back in in a few minutes. Once she came back in she told us that I had produced almost 20 million with a 95% motility post wash. That was bar far the best numbers I had ever had. It makes me really wonder what changed, what's different? With numbers like that why am I even here? I was feeling very virile to say the least.
It only took the nurse a couple minutes to do what she needed to do. I guess they get everything into place by feel and she had a little problem getting it just right, but she did. So then the nurse left and told my wife to stay still for a few minutes and she would come back and when she did she unceremoniously said we could go. Don't know what I expected, was very short and nonchalant. In the long run that's probalby for the best.
So now we wait.

Technical difficulties & a trigger

2006-04-29T10:36:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but all the posts that I had made this week seem to be gone. I can't say that I am at all happy about it.
basically, each day with the pen injections was a little better than the last. I think I had the hang of it by the second night. I wrote about that but it seems to have left into the ether. Anyway, I think the trick was to pinch up as much skin as possible (not an easy task on my wife, regardless of her protests to the contrary) and hold it pinched, then insert the needle straight in then let go of the pinched skin and push the button. Hold it in place while you count to five and then pull it straight out. Seems pretty simple now, but going into it felt a little overwhelming.
Last night we did the trigger shot. This is what is supposed to force at least one of my wife's eggs to be released. That was a regular (at least I think it was standard issue, but what do I know) needle. I used pretty much the same technique with that as I did with the pen. One thing that was kind of surprising though was that the needle was larger than with the pen. It took more force than I was expecting it to in order to break the skin. Other than that though there was no problem at all.
Tomorrow is IUI

Sticking it to my wife

2006-04-23T23:09:00.000-05:00

After several days of my wife taking clomid, today was the day we started the injections. We used Follistim with the pen. There was a lot of trepidation on both sides of the needle, although I do think most of it was on my wife's side. I know that if the roles were reversed I probably would have been freaking out like a little kid and like 100% more than she was. After all, she is the one that is having a needle jammed into her. Anyway, I think I was a little nervous because she was so nervous. Plus, I had all the misplaced feelings of failure welling up inside and that did not help at all.

After all that it really wasn't that big of deal at all. Piercing the skin took a little more force than I thought it would. Thankfully, once it started, it went all the way in without any problems. I then pushed the button down from the premeasured dose and I tried to wait for what I hope was five seconds. At least thats how long the instructions say to wait. I think I might have pulled it out a little to soon though because after the injection it seemed like a small amount of the fluid came out of the injection site. Next time I will try and wait a little longer.

My wife was pleasantly relieved once it was all over. I think her exact words were "is that it?". She said it was no big deal at all and that she might even be able to try it herself next time. I don't think that will happen, but it might. Maybe the fourth or fifth time she might want to start doing it. Regardless, I'll do it as long as she wants me to. At least I feel I am still part of the process.

For now the bottom line is that the pen thing really made it all pretty easy and with a little luck we wont need to use it all that much anyhow.
(Must.
Try.
To.
Stay.
Positive...)

Did I Miss Something?

2006-04-11T18:10:00.000-05:00

So we went for the injection class and it seemed rather pointless. How ironic, saying that being taught to use needles was pointless.

Its not that learning how to use these tools was without merit in itself. Its just that it seemed hardly worth the time it took to go there. We showed up for our appointment a few minutes early like good little patients. After sitting for about 10 minutes we were called back. We sat at a table and we were shown the injection pen, how to dial a dose, what to do to reset the dose and how to inject it.
That took about five minutes and that was it. We were done.
Why did that need its own appointment?

Refrigerate Upon Arrival

2006-04-07T06:09:00.000-05:00

The fertility "cocktails" that my wife will be taking showed up. Fedex just dropped the box off by the door, and I thought for sure someone would need to sign for it.

I only looked through it all briefly. The box had one bottle of pills, and two injectable medications. My wife is absolutely 'thrilled' at the idea of having injections. Of course the word terrified should be used instead of thrilled... Although, it looks like they are only subcutaneous (if thats spelled right it is only because the spell checker caught it) so its not like we need to get them into the muscle or a vein or anything to complex. There is also a pen type device that looks like it takes all the guess work out of the injections, just like the lancet that a diabetic uses to check their glucose. The only problem is that she finds none of that reassuring at all.

We are supposed to go to the fertility doctor's office next week to learn how to do the injections, but I really don't see what we needed to be taught. I am probably being to blasé about it. Maybe this part is easier for me because I am not the one the is about to be turned into a walking chemistry experiment.

Taken to school

2006-03-27T21:52:00.000-06:00

My wife set up an appointment two weeks from now for us to be taught how to give her injections. It ought to be a lot of fun because I don't think either of us are particularly fond of needles. Although, I do believe she is a little more squeamish about them than I am.

It should be interesting. When we went for our initial appointment at the clinic they had this mound of flesh looking thing that we were told was for teaching people how to give injections. It was really kind of gross and it made me think of the movie fight club. Not in a pummeled flesh sort of way, but in a soap making way...

Tests

2006-03-24T19:07:00.000-06:00

Had my blood tests last night. Uneventful and mostly painless. Should have the results in about a week and they should be faxed to the clinic as well. I can say one thing for sure, no one will be more surprised than me if anything comes back to worry about.

Twins

2006-03-17T20:32:00.000-06:00

A couple that my wife and I are pretty close to had twins today. A boy and a girl, a few weeks early but other than that everyone seems healthy.

They had more than there share of problems getting to this point themselves and I am happy for them. That doesn't mean that I don't have any envy or feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Quite the contrary. I guess thats where the guilt comes from. There has to be some hope in there too. It took them at least five years to get here. Doesn't always feel like it but I am really happy for them.

Start with the least invasive...

2006-03-17T06:54:00.000-06:00

I guess the only issue is how you define least. Yesterday we met with the reproductive endocrinologists. A very friendly and nice woman that seemed to be very sympathetic and understanding. She went over our medical histories with us focusing primarily on my wife. The RE said that she thought the my wife should start with a cycle on a round of clomid and move on from there. At least thats what I heard at first.

What she really meant was that she thought we should jump right into IUI. I was surprisingly disappointed when I understood what she was saying. I mean I know that there are some issues with my numbers and that we are there for some type of assistance so it doesn't make sense that I would be disappointed, does it? I guess I was hoping for one last chance of conceiving 'naturally' with just a little help (better living through chemistry). Maybe its something like, with each incremental step the hope of success fades a little. Running out of options and all that...

Now we need to have some more blood tests done. Make sure that neither of us has HIV or hepatitis, and check my wife for a couple other things too. Then we wait for the insurance and my wife's menstrual cycle get into sync. She takes clomid and some injectable medications and then we try a round of IUI.

If the IUI doesn't take we try it a couple more times and then... on to IVF. Maybe it wont come to that but I think I need to start preparing myself for that. I was disappointed when confronted with IUI, I don't really want to think about needing more than that.

On to the blood work I guess

Stuck In The Interim (aka Venting)

2006-03-07T07:04:00.000-06:00

So we have gone through all the preliminary testing and everything checks out good so far with my wife, but not with me. That was enough to get us a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist. We were given the referral almost a month ago and shortly thereafter my wife made an appointment. So now we wait.

It is kind of frustrating that there is nothing else to really say or do for now. I guess I am being a little whiny. Its not like we have been told that we have no recourse or that the insurance wont cover it or anything like that. We are incredibly fortunate in that regard. It is easy to find countless stories of people (probably much better suited to being parents than I - oh? I never mentioned that I have doubts about that? Maybe thats best left for another time...) that don't have the insurance coverage or have no hope of ever being a parent.

All things considered, we are in good shape. I think I need to remind myself that even though it feels like I am on a sailing ship stuck in the doldrums, we have plenty of provisions and the trade winds are about a week out.

Think global, Act local

2006-02-20T16:40:00.000-06:00

My wife just called me and told me that she has the referral. She said its a global referral and she thought that it meant that we don't need to get a referral for each and everything we do like we have been doing. Instead, it covers 'everything' that is done until we achieve a live birth.

So it would seem that we are set. Now its just a mater of making our appointments and going and seeing what happens. In the mean time I think we should probably still keep doing everything that we have been (that's the act local part). It is kind of a relief to know that at least that part of the whole process has been taken care of.

I wonder where it will get us.

Mr. Godot told me to tell you he won't come this evening but surely tomorrow

2006-02-07T16:14:00.000-06:00

I was fearful of the absurd, but I pretty much expected it.
Got a voicemail last night that the insurance wont approve the referral unless it comes from my wife's doctor. I wonder why my referral lady said that it could come from either of us since we are a couple. blah blah blah. I wonder how they will handle that in my wife's doctor's office since they said they couldn't submit the referral because the 'problems' were with me.

Anyway. I returned the call this morning and left a message asking my referral ladies to send everything to my wife's gynecologist. In addition to that, my wife said that she would call and her doctor's office and see if she could get everything taken care of. And then the absurdity continued. The referral lady called me back because the office for my wife said that they had no clue who I was and that they had no record of anyone with my name. To say I was disappointed with my referral lady would be an understatement because we discussed, at length, the fact that my wife kept her maiden name.

I guess its in the hands of my wife's doctor now. Surely Godot will be here tomorrow.

Waiting for permission, not Godot

2006-02-03T07:17:00.000-06:00

I called the referral ladies last night and told them we had picked a place. I was put on hold while she got my chart. I was a little surprised to hear margaritaville as the hold music, and I am not quite sure what to make out of it. Luckily she wasn't gone for the whole song.
Once she had my chart and came back to the phone she started with a long list of questions about my wife. I should have known that was coming. At least I knew everything that she asked about, in a general sense anyhow.

The hardest part was finding my wife in "the system". She kept her maiden name when we got married and this was the first time it has ever been anything close to an issue.
First the referral lady looked for my wife with my last name. Which of course didn't show any results. Then she looked for my wife by her maiden name, but "the system" said that the insurance had been terminated several years ago. Luckily it turned out that was when we got married and she was placed on my insurance. Finally the referral lady found my wife and discovered that "the system" truncated my wife's last name after the first 5 letters.

Then I told her about the tests the my wife had. The multiple blood tests and examinations and the HSG. Which I couldn't remember the name of but luckily the referral lady knew what I was talking about as I clumsily described it.

Then after going through every possible combination of my wife or I ever being involved in a pregnancy with each other or anyone else the referral lady said that it would probably take at least a week, and probably more, for everything to go through and be processed. Once she puts it all together they need to submit everything to the HMO and then they pass judgment on it (Why were we given a choice of clinics that the insurance would let us go to if they didn't cover it?).

Reconnaissance

2006-02-02T07:23:00.000-06:00

In a true act of bravery my wife went to each of the clinics that the insurance said they might allows us to go to. She came home with a brochure, a business card, and her mind made up. The difference between the two really seems quite stark.

When she went to CHR she had a hard time finding it. I guess it is located in an office park and it seems that it is more like a business office than a medical one. Once she got there she went in and asked some questions. They gave her a business card and told her that they are only a satellite office there and they only do monitoring. Which basically means that if we wanted to use them for anything we would need to go to some other office in the city to get things started. They also only have one doctor in the area, which I suspect could lead to scheduling problems.

When she went to FCI she greeted right away and she said it seemed like they were bending over backwards to help her out. This place does everything at the same location with the exception of IVF if it comes to that, and that would only be up to two weeks working with another office and then coming back to that one. They also have a psychologist on staff and an affiliation with some yoga place. They gave her a multi page 'fancy' brochure. It has a lot of information in it, almost all of which is written for the woman, but it is still impressive compared to just a businesses card.

I don't think at this point its to awful hard to figure out which one she wants to go to. The general impression I have is that the one is very clinical and gets the job done where as the other tries to hold your hand and make you feel good. I am sure that both of them are equally effective at what they do, but if the destination is going to be the same why not enjoy the trip. I guess its time to call the referral ladies.

Just Pick One

2006-01-31T11:37:00.000-06:00

The urologist's office called me back and said that they had sent everything over last week. Last week? I spoke to my Dr's office on Friday afternoon and they didn't seem to have it. I thought that this was just a little odd.

I called my referral ladies and it turns out that they do have everything. After she said that she wanted to know if I was ready to go forward. It went a little like this: Did I make an appointment at one of the fertility clinics? Um, no. Not yet. I just wanted to be sure that you had everything. Oh you do? We just need to pick one so you can get it approved by the HMO, that makes sense. ok, we'll do that. thanks.

I guess we should just pick one. I have looked at the websites for both and the both seem professionally designed and all that. I have searched a few message boards looking for opinions on them and found a couple postings but not that much. I tried looking them up at the Centers for Disease Control's Assisted Reproductive Technology site. so would that be cdcart? (Does it strike anyone else as odd the infertility and assisted reproduction would be a CDC thing?) That didn't give me much info on either place.

So how to choose. flip a coin? Drive by each and decided which one is the nicest looking? Stalk other couples going in and out and ask them? Maybe we should just pick the closest one? Seems like kind of a big decision to leave to random chance. Then again I do feel like were over thinking it. I'm sure we will pick one and everything will work out just fine.

Ducks, and putting them in rows.

2006-01-27T16:48:00.000-06:00

At this point the only thing to do was to figure out where we go next. We needed to get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist or at the very least to some one else that would and could help us out.

The urologist said that my wife would need to get the referral. OK... My wife's doctor has done a bunch of tests on her and all her 'stuff' seems normal. I am the one that is failing here and because of that, her doctor can't or wont send us to another doctor. ? Isn't she the one that will have the most work done? I mean as I see it the further down this road we go the less necessary I become. To the process anyway.

Since going through her doctor seemed to be a dead end I called my doctor's office. According to 'my' referral ladies my wife and I were given partially incorrect information. It seems, if I understood her right, that with our coverage whenever a couple is referred for infertility they are referred as a couple and either person's doctor could do the referral for the couple. makes sense. I guess the urologist just assumed that since my wife would be doing the hard part that she would be the one to get the referral and her office didn't know they could or didn't want to send her.

Anyway. I spoke with the referral lady for what seemed like a really long time, but I am sure it was only a few minutes. She said that she could handle the referral and all we had to do was make an appointment and get her all the paperwork on what had been done. So we had to make sure that I had the urologist office send her everything that that had been done, the analysis and the ultrasound. Then we needed to pick one of two places. One called the Center for Human Reproduction and the other called Fertility Centers of Illinois.

I have already called the urologist office and left a voicemail asking that they send everything to my doctor's office. Now I guess we just need to decide where we are going to go and hope that we don't have any insurance problems. Seems like it should be fine, but still, with all the insurance nightmares you hear about I'm just a little nervous.

Dr. Pontius Pilate

2006-01-26T12:51:00.000-06:00

The urologist just washed his hands of me. He finally called back. He said that he looked at the results and saw nothing.

Nothing?

I guess thats the right word too. I feel kind of lost and empty right now.

The guy said he doesn't see anything and that our only hope would be to go to a reproductive endocrinologist for in vitro. Is this the same doctor? talking to the same patient? What happened to no reason why we cant have a kid, it just that my numbers are low? What happened to the hydrocele? What happened.

I guess this guy has just decided he was done with us. Now what?

Hydrocele

2006-01-23T16:54:00.000-06:00

It had been a week since I had my ultrasound and I had yet to hear anything. When I had the test done they said it should only be a couple days, whihc by my math is less then a week, but somethimes I do use some of that fancy math.

Anyway, I call the office and get into someone's voice mail box and leave a long rambling message about having the ultrasound and wondering what the heck is going on. A few hours later I get a phone call. Apparently the test results never got sent to the office, but the woman had made some calls and she was looking at them while she was talking to me. She said that everything looked ok to her except for a slight hydrocele, but the Dr. would have to look at it and get back to me.

A hydrocele! Something! My google-fu has already told me quite a bit about hydroceles. In regards to fertility much of what I have found is contradictory. Seems like some sources claim that it could impair fertility and some claim that it can't. Regardless I am absolutely ecstatic that there is "something"!